Arturo Aulet — The Distinguished Record

The Honours

A Career of Distinction

Few men have served their community with such courage, then gone home and dominated it at Mario Kart.

✦

For Service

He answers the call, runs toward the fire, and keeps the islands safe. This part is not a joke. Genuine respect.

For Excellence in Motorsport

Unbothered by blue shells. Unmoved by bananas. His opponents have described racing him as “a humbling experience” and “please stop.”

For Gastronomic Valour

Where others see a platter, he sees a formality. Local kitchens speak of him in hushed tones.

The Gallery

Selected images from a distinguished career.

✦

His Jurisdiction

Over a hundred miles of islands and water. Every mile of it protected by Arturo, and every restaurant on it on high alert.

Official Citation

“He will save you from a burning building, then beat you on Rainbow Road, then finish your fries.”

— His Best Friend, Who Has Tried to Win

The Record

✦